Ride Home 5/15: A Day with a Kenyan Hunter in the Wilds

It's raining now, but it wasn't before. There was sun and a lazy, heavy haze that made me question if I would've been better off changing back into my bike clothes instead of riding home in soon-to-be-rumplier work clothes. I just *so* want to leave at the end of the day, anything that slows down that process seems unbearable, though with the increasing heat, it's going to become increasingly more likely that I'm going to have to start changing again because of, you know, sweat. And also dirtiness- since I can't quite seem to keep bike gunk off my clothes.
This is the corner of Idaho and Massachusetts. I've never seen anyone on this lawn. I wonder how much of the common fees are going to its upkeep.

It belongs to everyone. It belongs to no one. 

I feel much more in control of my commute when I'm on my bike than when I'm driving or taking public transportation. I feel like I'm in control, which is sort of weird, since I'm also immensely vulnerable.
I wonder what the people in the back of cabs think when they realize there's a bicyclist behind them who was just cut off by their driver. I think "back of heads are weird" because that's pretty much all I've got to go on when trying to assess them.
I don't pass a cyclist without checking to see if they have a button. Based on my observations, there's still a rather vast untapped market out there. Time to redouble my efforts. (What's double "sometimes mentioning that I have buttons available in a blog post"?) I prefer it when baseball players redouble because that means that they're having a good night. Bicyclists, in jousting helmets, might prefer to redoublet, especially if their first doublets rip.
There's a man who has a lawn care concern who arrives at his clients by means of bicycle and he carries his tools and equipment in a Burley Trailer and today I saw him on Q Street. This seems practical enough, in that he doesn't have to spend fuel money and search for limited parking space for a pickup truck or other kind of large vehicle that most (or some) landscapers might prefer. If I were to open a lawn care concern in which I arrived by bicycle, I think I'd call it Mow lawns, mo' problems because really I'd not be very interested in this is a profession and I feel that by advertising my disdain for it, I could hasten the demise of my business and maybe move on to other things.
14th and Q.

You can't see the "t." It's actually a Weight Watchers advert. Crass commercialism at its worst.
So, there's this ice cream man and he sells ice cream by the skate park on 11th and today he was blasting his ice cream man tunes and it sounded like something you'd hear in the background of a Nintendo game from 1988 and I thought that that was all well and good if he wanted 30 year olds to roll up on his truck for a ChocoTaco, but kids these days play really sophisticated video games and there's no way that some MIDI Mario nonsense is going to sound in any way inducing. In short, I suggest better tunes for a younger demographic. And/or don't worry about it because you're selling ice cream and kids'll probably be ok with that irrespective of your truck's music.
I can't say that I try to ride into tourists' pictures on purpose, but in not saying that, I'm not telling you the truth. Yes, I do it on purpose. It's hilarious. And with digital cameras, it basically costs them nothing, so I don't really feel bad about it.
I rode behind a couple, but one half of the couple rode well in front of the other half and the half that I rode behind was a woman who had a kid trailer. I've seen her before. She drags the kid, he rides the Xtracycle in front. I really wonder about their dynamic.
Went to the store. Easy in and easy out, though a little bit of a delay in self-checkout. One guy bought a lot of meat. Like, maybe too much. I worried that it would tip over his car, like Fred Flintstone. Yabba dabba do be careful.
Maybe some Bikeshare commutes tomorrow. We'll see.

Ride In 5/15: Cacti and Bolos

First you look outside and then you put put your jacket on and then you go outside and then you take your jacket off and then you take your helmet off and then you take you hat off, put your helmet back on and put your jacket and hat in your bag and then you can finally start riding because you're done overestimating the need for a jacket and a hat, both of which would have been useful had the rain kept up but it hadn't and instead was supplanted by a balmy dankness and your outerwear was no longer useful for keeping exterior moisture out but instead would have been interior moisture in and that would be unpleasant, so you do the hokey pokey of jacket and hat and whether that's what it's all about is entirely dependent on your worldview. Muggy post-rain is the worst sort of weather.
I didn't do BikeDC, but some people did:

• Porta-John

• Bicycle Bug

• Rootchopper

• BloomingCyclist

• Mark Blacknell of WABA 

And probably a bunch of other people with blogs, but that's all I can remember right now. I did BikeDC last year and sat this year out. I think I prefer my rides to be solitary. And how do I prefer my solitaire? With 20,000 other people and a series of treacherous traffic hiccups.
The paths by the Capitol were closed. There were police everywhere. I asked one "can I ride down there?" pointing to the driveway next to the path where I normally ride and he said "No, sir. It's closed." Finally, a recognition of my knighthood. Thanks for being really polite, Sir Offiicer! I knew that eschewing my bike helmet for one of those jousting kinds would work out in my favor eventually. The detour put me on Constitution, which was trafficky, but I moved into the cycle track at the bottom of the hill and went on my merry way from there. You couldn't really see the merriment under the jousting helmet.
Pretty quiet downtown. Some bike commuters, but not too many. Saw Jon. I think he was very early and I was only a little early. Neither of us was Quinn Early.
It sometimes happens that when I ride my bicycle I notice that there is another bicyclist in front of me (only when I lift my jousting helmet's visor, that is) and sometimes I observe the bicycle and the attire of this person and I notice that he is wearing a rain outfit with a jacket and rain pants and has two waterproof pannier and he even has rainproof booties over his shoes and also that his bike has no fenders. Why no fenders? WHY? WHYYYYY? This was a standard hybrid commuter bike. You know who suffers when you don't have fenders on your bike? You. But also me if I'm behind you. So if you aren't selfish enough to think about yourself, but selfless enough to think about me.
Almost biked into a turning SUV at Mass and 15th. He missed the red and I anticipated the green. For the driver, it would have been an "accident' and for me it would be countless comments about all bikers are Lance Armstrong wannabes who don't follow traffic laws and nearly hit someone every time they ride on a mixed-used path. It's best not to dwell on these things.
Some people in DC overreact to the rain:

This flotation device can be used as a flotation device. 

Man [, he went] overboard.
Maybe there should be some bike infrastructure on Connecticut Avenue. See plenty of bicyclists there.
There's only one reason why a horn blare should last more than one second and it's because the driver is having some kind of medical emergency and is in desperate need of assistance or has slumped over onto the horn and is depressing it with the weight of unconscious body. Remember that time that really leaning into your horn actually made something happen? Me neither. It's immature.
I did some one legged pedaling up my slog up Mass, just like Bicycling told me. 10 strokes with each leg. I believe I have now developed "efficiency" and will never do anything this asinine ever again.
Bike racks are empty but it could be just because it's summer. Seems like there are fewer cars, too. One bike has been at the rack for the whole year and has never been moved. Sad.

Ride Home 5/14: I have a clam stockbroker and all he does is buy valves

TFTS first: typing this post on my phone. Sure wish I had a smart phone. Just using the numbers to make tones and a guy with really good hearing is making the transcription on the other end. It's very elaborate. Excuse the typos.
The rain remained. A bit fiercer than this morning, but nothing too bothersome. I think I prefer heavier rain to lighter rain (and chubby rain to both) because at least if I'm going to get wet riding, I'd like to get it over with. Same type of personality trait that compels me to put my shoes on both feet at the same time. I mostly wear slippers.
When did umbrellas become 4 feet deep? Can stick your whole torso inside. Good thing they're transparent. Also, was previously umbrella deficiency a problem if engineering or imagination? It's an exciting time for umbrellas. The future of umbrellas is now!
The one thing that I tend to discount when I push myself off before the green light arrives (not a veiled Gatsby reference. A Vailed reference is a suggestion to go skiing) is that the driver behind me will do the same and then quickly try to change lanes, bringing the front of his car rather closer to me than I would've otherwise preferred. I'd hate to get clipped.
I ended up on the sidewalk for an extended period of time. Too many cuts in the curb. Pedestrians are even second-class citizens on their own turf. If a driver wants to block the path with his car, he will and there's not much you can do about it- other than walk in front or walk behind or leap over the car if you have incredible leaping abilities. Or a portable trampoline. But the super power of tremendous leaping would be much cooler. If I had to say that I have an uncanny ability, it'd be that I'm really adept at spotting Russians. This doesn't quite qualify me to be an Avenger- maybe during the Cold War I could've been of service to Queen and country. Assuming Freddie Mercury needed to spot Russians.
Jaywheeled across 14th at Q. A rarity for me. That's a long way across. Probably not a great idea.
There should be greater priority for the movement of buses. In terms if sheer practicality, this seems to make sense. But "people" (and I don't know what I mean by that) hate buses. They are the Rodney Dangerfield of urban transportation. Pedicabs are the Bob Saget.
Who are you, beard guy? Your beard is excellent. We're, literally, passing acquaintances, in that we pass each other in nearly every bike commute, morning and night. Also, sorry if your righteous beard is some kind if adverse medical condition and my pointing it out is insensitive.
The average American, when walking near the Capitol, needs 18 feet of personal space. Sometimes I think that westward expansion was just the accidental result of incipient 19th century tourism.
Ambulance with a siren that syncopated. Sounded like a three year old with a penny whistle. This was by Lincoln Park. Either the siren was broken, the driver was kooky or they've lowered the age limits for EMTs.
Dominos delivers pizza by bike. Wish that I had taken a picture. I mean, it's still Dominos, so let's not all rush out and order any, but if you happen to be forced/tricked into getting some, maybe you can request bike delivery. For, like, bike solidarity or whatever.

Ride In 5/14: Abigail Adams, part II

Don't try to fix your bike on Monday morning before work. And don't leave things like swapping out brake pads until its too late and it's raining and you're questioning your ability to stop if you don't put in new ones. In short, it's sort of a frustrating to be held hostage because you've disabled your brakes and need to fix them prior to leaving. It's doubly frustrating when your have the dexterity of a drunken lobster, especially insofar as replacing the pads requires the slotting of a metal pin through a tiny hole. I managed to "fix" the brakes without cursing and without cutting myself (how this happens, I don't know, but I can't even do routine bike maintenance without bleeding) and the whole operation from start to finish only delayed my leaving by about 10 minutes. And it actually worked and I appreciated my newly refound ability to stop my bicycle in a reasonable distance. So, huzzah. I only swapped out the bad pads. I might need to do the front ones. Or I might need to sell this bike and get one with disc brakes. Or I might need to give up biking entirely and start riding a donkey to work. "Ass on an ass" would be what they would say. Also, I'd change the name of the blog to Life in the Ass Lane which might lead to its being found by some really disappointed perverts. But hits are hits and butt hits are hits too...
It rained, like I said. It was as bad out as it looked, no more and no less. I wore a jacket and this superbiker in front of me wore a see-through poncho (or maybe it was saran wrap) and he had his socks pulled up high over his lower calves. He yelled at a driver for cutting him off and blocking the bike lane and at the time I didn't think it was justified (the yelling), but I must be feeling less generous about it now because, like, screw you, buddy. Either pay bike taxes or get out of the lanes.
Thanks to Marc for sharing this. If you live in an urban area, don't do any of these things. Ever. There are simply too much other people around for you to engage in such self-centered nonsense. My suggestion is that if you want to work out on a bicycle, buy a 40 pound Dutch Bike For the Rest of Us, load it up with groceries, attach a kid trailer to it (kid optional. don't kidnap one if not readily available) and then bike it around town every day and up a bunch of hills when the situation calls for it. Just a suggestion. Bicycling Magazine is the anti-TFTS.
My desire not to shoal found me stopped behind a bicyclist who planned to turn and I just stood at waited 5 seconds after the light turned green. Duped.
Cops pulling over tour buses. Tour buses said "Haymarket." Anti-labor? Other cops playing bag pipes. It's National Police Week. And in case you didn't know, friend of the blog and soon-to-be karaoke partner of the blog, Kate, recently finish the Police Unity Tour. That's a really great accomplishment, so many, many props in her general direction!
My general direction took me up 11th and I did the thing where I squeezed between an idling bus and a parked car and I almost couldn't get through because there was barely enough room. Then I did that other thing where I observed all of the bicyclists heading in the other direction. More than I would've expected. Probably low for Bike to Work Week. Thanks to some over-strenuous gardening yesterday, I participated in bike to work weak.
Almost no one on the crosstown. One person on Mass. I rode behind her for a while and then I don't know where she went but she ended up at a bike racks next to me at work and said something about it being "fun" riding in the rain to which I responded that it "always is" making me sort of sound like an ass because it insinuates that I'm some dope who rides in the rain all the time, which while true, isn't something I'd really want to insinuate to a stranger.

Ride Home 5/11: "Blight Club" starring Doug and Lydia

I can't say that bike commuting is objectively the best kind of commuting, but I'm willing to go out on a limb (literally. I'm blogging from a redwood. Send for help) and write that it's subjectively the best of kind of commuting. I know that I'm totally within the "bike bubble" and in many cases, completely delusional, but I honestly don't know why more people don't do it. I mean, honestly, I do know, because I spend a lot of time reading about this and thinking about it and I feel like I have a pretty good grasp on the variety of factors that inhibit people from bike commuting, but I think what I'm trying to say (and failing) is that the joys of commuting by bike vastly outweigh their setbacks and if given the opportunity to try to commute by bike, I'd recommend that you stick with it for a little while and see if for you, it's likewise, the subjectively best kind of commuting. It takes a little while. The first couple of times you ride in might be dicey. You also might not feel so hot, either,  because biking is kind of like exercise and if you're not used to it, it could be taxing. But, and this is my bet, if you do it consistently enough, you'll fall in love with it. So, here's my offer: you want to bike commute and you don't or haven't and you live generally in or around DC, let me know and I'll ride with you and we'll see how it goes. I'm serious. [Maybe it's just all the excitement about BikeFest getting me, but as of now, yes, I'm serious. I'll meet you at your house or office and we'll do it.]
"Penny wise, pound foolish" is how I'd describe a lot of bicyclists and drivers, but it's more like penny foolish, pound foolish because, really, the way people think that they're going to beat the system through calculation and bravo and lawbreaking results in very little gain and, presumably, much frustration. I think I noticed it even more tonight since I was on a slower bike, and accordingly, biked slower. The weaving, the honking, the running lights, the searching for any kind of "advantage" vis-a-vis those around you- it's crazy. Your commute is only as stressful as you let it be. Life is about managing (your own) expectations. Life, the board game, is about I'm not totally sure what because I don't think I've played it for 20 years and even then my grasp on its subtleties was pretty tenuous. Life, the cereal, is relatively delicious. Life, the tv show, was short-lived and I never watched it.
"Read Dianetics. Ask Me" is not something that I'd want on a t-shirt. "Smith and Wesson" is not something I'd want on my bike frame . But the first guy was apparently a Scientologist and the second guy was definitely a bike police officer and both had chosen their personal brand and I didn't have much choice but to notice it. Perhaps they could collaborate on a "Read Dianetics or I'll shoot you" campaign, but thank goodness for the establishment clause or whatever. Establishment Claus is the guy who would bring presents at Christmas, but for fact that it's not allowed by the Constitution. Establishment claws would be what would happen if the framers were tigers.
Some people say that you should ride your bike as if you're driving a car but I think that you should ride your bike as if you're riding a bike. Bikes and cars are different.
This thing by the Capitol. I took a picture.

It's a sign that looks like a person

The sad part is that they've unionized and now it costs the government $25/hr.
In front (and by that, on mean on the east side) of the Capitol, there was a photoshoot for a woman wearing a sash that read District of Columbia. I don't know if she was Miss DC or Mrs. DC or Mr who looks like a Mrs. DC or Ms. [ethnic/religious/nationality group] DC, but I do know that I might be a blurry image in the back of her glamour shots, so I'm really sorry about that. Also, from the perspective of civic pride, I'm not totally sure that the Capitol, the symbol of our congressional overlords with whom we have no voting representation, is a proper one. I'll let you suggest the proper backdrop for the "nationalist" District of Columbia photoshoot.
Stopped along East Capitol to talk to Dave, who was out walking his dog. I love my neighborhood so freaking much. It's like a village. And much of its kisfalusiság (this is a made-up Hungarian word that connotes "small villagey-ness") is something I get to experience because I ride a bike and it's pretty easy to stop and talk to someone who want to stop and talk with.
On Massachusetts, I rode on the wrong side of the street to let a moving van pass me. I was turning left anyway, so it wasn't that big of a deal. It is, however, just a reminder of the order of things, in that I feel that it's my best interest to ride illegally and improperly just to let a driver drive without having to slow a little to accommodate me on my bike. Not a big deal, I guess. Live and let live, though it's more him that's letting me doing the living and not the other way around.
Haven't figured out how I'm getting to BikeFest tonight. I don't know whether I'm driving the Escalade or the Suburban. Either way, there better be free parking.