Does Anyone Else Want to Blog for a Few Days?

Do you bike to work and have an excess of narcissism? Well, then you're in luck. I'm going away from Monday through Thursday of next week and won't be blogging. But since, literally, ones of people depend on this blog for their bike commuting-themed information entertainment distraction, I'm looking for someone(s) to take up blogging for a few days. Here are the criteria:

• You bike somewhere. Maybe it's to a job. Maybe it's school. Maybe it's the unemployment office. If you're biking, it's probably the latter.
• You're willing to write something up. Please nothing too good because I'm rather concerned about the drop-off in quality when I return. Also, would you be willing to sign a non-compete clause? 
• You don't have to live in DC. You could live anywhere. Except Bergen County, New Jersey. No reason for that really- just an arbitrary exclusion. We don't want your kind here, Kathleen Donovan.

If any or all of these things apply to you, please send an email to talesfromthesharrows@gmail.com. Include your name, address, social security number, credit card information, mother's maiden name but not your address, social security number, credit card info or your mother's maiden name.  In fact, I don't even care if I have your name. Maybe you want to blog anonymously for fear of retribution or to avoid having to wear your pajamas all day or live in your parents' basement (all stereotypes are real).
This is your chance to reach all the people who matter- those who forswear working in order to read the dregs of the interwebs. And since the start-up costs of blogging or so high (it takes thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours of time to get a web log started), I'm offering this well-established (6 week old) platform to you at no cost to express your irreverent thoughts on cycling. But wait, there's more. I'll even buy you some Kitchen No. 1 at some point in the future. This is meant to be an inducement, not a threat.