Ride Home 7/8

I knew that it would rain eventually and that's why I've had my jacket in the bottom of my bag for the past couple of weeks. It's really not hard to always bring a thin jacket with you. Much easier in my opinion than trying to guess whether or not you'll need your jacket on any particular afternoon. It's summer in Washington- there's always a 50% chance of thunderstorms. While there are some people who are willing to ride home without a jacket, that club does not include me as a member. This club is also, I hope, not an actual club with meetings and bylaws and membership dues and such. For as much as I'm talking about the rain, it didn't really start until I was less than a mile from home, so I'm not exactly drenched in any case. (As I type, Ellie the Poodle, from this point forward known as the Official Poodle, is having an ongoing conversation with the thunder, each clap being riposted with a series of grumbling barks and pitchy yaps. Good times.)
Yeah, I'm going to take the lane instead of riding into tree branches. No, I'm not sorry. Yes, I will go slightly slower than you might prefer, but it's only for 3 seconds. Yes, I would appreciate it if you didn't tailgate me.
Those Google Cars must already be here based on the number of drivers I saw whose hands were completely detached from the steering wheel. I thought they were only legal in Nevada. I wonder what that slurpee tasted like. Negligence, perhaps? And who were you texting? A driving instructor for a refresher course? I'm not demanding 10 and 2 or anything. Just make it look like you're in control of your vehicle as you pass by me. Please?
Station wagon parked on the sidewalk on 34th between Prospect and M. It blocked the entire path. Driver inside. Is this some sort of Complete Streets protest I don't know about? Had I stumbled upon DC's first frenoow?
Why would you wear striped shorts with thick black and white horizontal bands? I call this look Hamburglar at the beach. And while that character is iconic and beloved (?), this is not meant as praise.
Cyclist in front of me on the bridge passed two guys after dinging his bell and thereafter one of the guys did a fake swinging punch move through the air where the cyclist just passed by in a sort of "wouldn't it be badass if I did punching moves like this at people." It was jocular and I'm not such a stick in the mud as to think that this was anything more than some guys pretending to be action heroes and that's why I felt bad when I punched the dude in the head when I rode by. Just kidding! I think they were sort of embarrassed to see me.
Some more praise for Arlington County for extending the bike lane on Wilson down to Oak. It does make a big difference. Now, just extend it down to Nash and then down Nash to Fort Myer and then on Nash to Lee Highway. You know, whenever you can.
My guilty conscience makes me nervous whenever I see a police officer. Maybe I should give some money to PBA and put one of those stickers on my rear fender. I bet that works about as well as putting one of those stickers on your window, which is to say, not at all.
Salmon. Ugh.