Ride Home 2/24: If 'going Dutch' is splitting the check, what's 'going Hollandaise'?

I guess that if I had one regret about this blog, it's that it doesn't have a soundboard. Of course, that's the most ridiculous regret ever and it isn't really a regret at all. Anyway, imagine hearing 'zoop zoop zoop' which is what I imagine to be the sound of my going downhill with some pace along New Mexico on a wet road behind the trepidatious driver of a white minivan. And then imagine the grind-and-squeal some some wet brakes and then imagine the sound of my nearly bellicose sigh at a driver who turns left in front of me when it's questionable as to whether that was a good decision concerning my safety and well-being. If you still want to imagine sounds, and most assuredly you don't, you could imagine a whooshing thud sound of my struggling to get up the slight incline on Tunlaw and a whirring whoosh sound of me going down the other side.
35th street needs sharrows. Does anyone have a sharrow stencil? I will buy the white paint. Or maybe whipped cream if we can't find white paint. I'd provide Cool Whip if you can't find/make real whipped cream.
Why did I ride my old route through Georgetown? Because of nostalgia? Because I spent all day doodling in my notebook TFTS + Biking through Georgetown= Love 4 ever? No, not because of that (and not because I didn't actually do that), but because instead I thought it would be awesome for a bicycle shoppe (old timey, like) to swap out my current pedals for the new pedals that I had ordered. I tried to spend that bike shop (not old timey) Groupon that I had on a pedal wrench, but of course that shop didn't have pedal wrenches for sale, so I figured it'd be easier to just have a different shop do it. So I headed to a shop in Georgetown and they did it, and for free at that. Free because they made me wait for a little, not because I'm a local bike celebrity, which I am assuredly not, though the mechanic asked me if I commuted on the bike (which I do) and I thought he might have been a TFTS superfan, but he probably just asked because the bike is dirty as all get-out. Anyway, swapping the pedals was a good idea and made even better thanks to the rain and I enjoyed pedaling on the new pedals as much as one can enjoy pedaling on any pedals at all.
I can't be the only person who rides through Washington Circle going "nowhammynowhammynowhammynowhammynowhammynowhammynowhammynowhammySTOP," can I? Press your luck, indeed.
The other side of Penn isn't much better. A cycletrack would help things. "Help me, Jack Evans, you're my only hope," is the message that I'd put in a droid that I'd smuggle to a desert planet with two suns. From now on on TFTS, he'll be known as Obi Wan Evans, which is a name that he hasn't used in a while, not since the Clone Wars/Control Board. To top it all off, after the misery that was Penn, I arrived at the White House plaza at the moment the state security services were closing off Lafayette Park for some reason and diverting pedestrian and bicycle traffic elsewhere. So, that sort of sucked. I rode down the sidewalk (ILLEGALLY. DON'T TELL WUSA9!) and then across more sidewalk in front of the other side of the White House, near the Eclipse. When I saw a member of the state security services, I decided that I would ask him what I thought would be a clarifying question. So I says to him, I says, "Can I ride in the road or do I have to ride on the sidewalk?" I asked him this because there's a perfectly good, empty road next to a perfectly full of pedestrians sidewalk and biking on the road would be considerably nicer/safer. He said "You can bike on that road," pointing the parking lot/driveway behind him, "but not on this one." I said, "So the Elipse parking lot, but not E Street?" and he said "Yeah" or something to the effect. So, consider that clarified.
Then it was down Penn and I rode through some (literal) horse shit. Thanks, horse. I'll be sure to have my bike excrete in your stable.
Up past the Capitol, slowly, and then down 2nd NE behind the Supreme (because it has sour cream) Court and past C and almost D Street and I locked up my bike and went into a bar to see some friends. Good friends, and you can take this to the bank, are ones that spot you a drink. But if don't spot or spot you too many, then you might have issues. After a quick stop, it was back on the road, a little too close to a Subaru hatchback navigating around Stanton and then basically home with no other issues. Saturday is tomorrow, so there won't be posts, but I might ride to the ATM to deposit checks of $2.48 and $6.06. So, just imagine the sounds of something that mundane. Have a great weekend.


  1. But you (and the wife and I guess the poodle too) are home owners, so you need tools for the home! Luckily, the wrench set you buy will likely include the standard size for pedals (15mM and 9/16 inch depending) and these days most wrenches are thin enough to work.

  2. Please take a picture of your bike excreting in a horse stable. *giggle*