Ride Home 1/8: Overrated

Let's do this thing.

It was warmer than it needed to be for a winter ride, but I'm not complaining, or at least not yet. I'll get to the complaining a little later. Or, why wait? If you ride the wrong way down the one-way L Street Cycle Track, I might challenge you to fisticuffs. You will need to call an ambulance. Sure, that ambulance will be for me as you will promptly be able to dispatch me as my pugilistic skills are even worse than my cycling and blogging skills. But nonetheless, I will defend my honor, perhaps nobly and perhaps just sort of pathetically flailingly, and my right to ride the right way (east) on the cycle track without having to dodge you, the assface, riding the wrong way. And you can complain that the #mstreetcycletrack isn't yet built and yes, I will admit that that is in fact a huge impediment to riding westbound, but that's no excuse. There's a certain level of personal accountability here and by choosing to ride the wrong way down the bike lane, even if it's just for a block or even if you think it's totally justified by the lack of proper bike facilities, you choose wrongly because it is not in any way the right thing to do. So, don't do it. Ever. Or run the risk of my fighting you. Because that is totally what I will do, as I am an angry person who likes fighting and is probably really good at punching, though I've never had need to practice. So, that's my story. Ride the wrong way and you're toast. Scared yet? Yeah, I didn't think so. So how about an appeal to reason or at least, reasons.

Why you shouldn't ride the wrong way on the L Street Cycle Track:
  • Someone vastly more menacing than me might fight you and you really wouldn't like that. Note: this could be literally anyone, since literally anyone is vastly more menacing than I am.
  • You might collide into someone's grandma and then you'd feel terrible. And then you're grandma might find out about it and then your grandma is going to be so disappointed in you. Do you really want that? Doubtful.
  • You're likely to be hit by a turning car because the driver is in no way expecting you to be coming from the opposite direction, nor is the cycle track designed to accommodate that. Thus, you risk not only injuring others, but yourself. 
  • If you ride the wrong way, they'll never build the M Street Cycle Track as cycling on M Street will be vastly decreased and DDOT will see no need for it. Do you want to be responsible for that? Do you?
  • WABA will find out and you'll never get to be a Bike Ambassador and your resume will be worse for it and you probably won't be promoted to ambassador to other stuff, Moped Ambassador or Ambassador to Belgium. Will you still even be allowed to eat waffles? HIGHLY UNLIKELY. 
There are probably other reasons, but I can think of nothing so dire as total prohibition from waffles.

I rode the usual route home and stopped at the usual grocery store and bought some usual stuff and afterwards, I signed the nominating petition for a prospective at-large DC Council candidate, a certain John Settles. Brace for Settles-mania. I saw the petition guy standing by a post, a wispy young bookish-looking pale white dude who seemed to want to avoid eye contact with everyone (not maybe the best set of characteristics for someone whose job it is to get people to sign a petition) and actually sought him out, asking him who he representing. When he told me, I asked about Mr. Settles' positions. The guy said "Affordable Housing mostly" or some such pablum So, there you have it. It's a little too early to give the #TFTS endorsement, but I think we've got a front runner. Seems like a nice guy.

After the store, I rode down D Street to 16th and then up 16th. Tomorrow, I think I shall ride the Brompton.

1 comment:

  1. You are hilarious. I love when you are in the zone like this.

    I actually prefer M St the way it is. I always feel like I have enough room and few if any drivers are doing anything crazy. I don't feel that way at ALL about L st. I will keep trying it ...