Ride Home 1/3: Molecular Gastroenterology

Is there anything left I have left to tell you about this route home? The state of my feet: cold. The state of my bike: dirty. The state of the union: strong, with chance of showers. The state of play: a movie starring Russell Crowe, Ben Affleck and Rachel McAdams that I somehow haven't seen. States of matter? Solid, liquid, gas and a chance of showers. The state under Louis Quatorze: him. That's pretty much how things stand. I was cold, my bike was dirty and absolute monarchy prospered in 17th century France. Telling you anything else is just gilding the fleur-de-lis.

And yet gild I will, like I'm in some kind of gild guild. This is not to be confused with the Society of Gilders, of which I am not a member, Gilda Radner, whom I believe to have no association with gilding, or a gild of geldings, which I can only assume is a kind of anti-competitive business association of castrated horses.

Sometimes I worry about falling down when riding downhill. Most times I don't worry about this and I've only ever fallen once and this was as result of my haphazardly and mistakenly rolling over a concrete slab, which is not something I normally do. Downhill riding, which is by far my favorite riding vis-a-vis hills, is also the time I feel the most anxious. Maybe this is because I don't go skiing. I might take up skiing to establish a better relationship with hills and gravity.

There's a right way to ride on the sidewalk- slow, deferential, unfunly, and then there's the way when you weave around pedestrians and poles (Poles who are pedestrians if you're in Krakow) and other street objects and even if you're going just as slowly as you would when riding deferentially, this is somehow worse and gets you a much worse reaction from pedestrian types. No one wants to be a slalom pole or a slalom Pole if you're in Krakow. I highly encourage you to visit Krakow if you've never been. Some of my favorite medieval queens are buried there.

I biked a perfect on L Street, which was great, but even greater is my unlocking the mystery of car traffic backups on L Street and I can tell you that it has nothing to do with cyclists on the cycle track. Of course, I'm a bike apologist, so you can take this with a grain of salt (Krakow has salt mines!), but the real problem that creates the car traffic backups on L Street is the pedestrians crossing the street, especially on the number streets. This prevents drivers from turning left and/or right because they have to wait for the intersection to clear. Seriously. Almost all of the "traffic" is caused by people in cars waiting for people on foot. Bikes have little/nothing to do with it. I have some potential solutions:

• Ban people from crossing the street. 
• Ban cars from turning
• Give all drivers and all pedestrians bikes

I didn't say they were good solutions. 

11th to Penn and up the hill, this time on the Senate side. The Capitol looked lovely and I took a blurry picture:

We may have the building, but the jackasses inside are the rest of America's. Stop blaming DC. The rest of you are the ones sending them here. 

I dropped my glove on East Capitol and this was pointed out to me by a nice guy who saw the glove fall from my pocket. Thanks, nice guy. 

I stopped at the store and bought eggs noodles and beer. It was "boil egg noodles in beer" night our house for dinner tonight. Healthy and delicious. Just kidding. It's not that healthy. I advocate for bikes, but more so, I advocate for daily grocery shopping by bike. I find it much nicer than stocking up and actually having things in the house and not having to scramble to pick up some random assemblage of things in order to fend off starvation. 

Ride In 1/3: Astral Projectors

Only one day back and I already felt the desire to mix it up, heading down Massachusetts and up First NE to R Street before riding the usual route, which starts around 11th or 15th depending on which usual I mean. Some highlights of this first part of my ride included being passed two closely before Union Station, bouncing around on the crappy, ruddy, dug-up under-construction streets at Union Station, and then having to dodge some bystanders standing by the entrance to the fake Met Branch Trail after Union Station (it's a mixed use path, so I guess I shouldn't complain, but they don't adhere to the yellow line so it's not like it's effectively two ways) and then there were some trucks, parked next to Union Station, whose drivers also didn't adhere to the rules normally dictated by a double yellow line, and here's a picture of that:

You come at the King of Beers, best not miss. 

I only care about this issue because of two reasons, the more immediate of which is my being tired of nearly being run into by opposing traffic and the less immediate of which is that the someday existing First Street NE cycle track/fake Met Branch Trail extension will someday go here and I'd rather have drivers broken of their parking scofflawism before it's installed rather than after.

If/When/If they install the #MStreetCycleTrack, I'm going to take that instead of R Street. I have a love/hate relationship with the repetitiveness of my commute and especially R Street. In the love column:

• the chance to notice really small changes that happen on a day-to-day basis, like building construction and houses for sale.
• the chance to run into the same people, which makes me feel like part of a community
• the chance to sort of zone-out, knowing the patterns of the lights and the exact minimum speed and effort required to reach maximum enjoyability.

In the hate column:

• It's really boring. 

But, such is the way of the commute. Unless of course, I could hire someone to blindfold me and drive me and my bike to a different location every day, from where I'll have to rely in guts and guile to get me to work. But that sounds expensive with the high cost of blindfolds and gas and such. Also, super creepy. 

I took Massachusetts the rest of the way to work, noticing a number of drivers who felt compelled to turn on red, in spite of signs indicating that they oughtn't. To the best of my knowledge, no one was harmed as it appeared rather safe for them to turn red. I don't know why the sign is there. Maybe it shouldn't be. I think a lot about "traffic laws" and I think the thing that bothers me the most about "traffic laws" and the discussion around them is selective literalism. Sometimes signs mean exactly what they say (most normally for people who aren't you) and sometimes they're just suggestions, open to interpretation. 

Ride Home 1/2: Tinsel Trees in Tinseltown

Long-time blog readers will be pleased (?) to know that Dance Moms is back and once again it provides the background for my blogging activities. What's new in the world of Dance Moms you might ask? I don't know. There still seems to be lots of yelling and crying and Abby Lee Miller remains needlessly angry at those poor talented dancing children, so it's pretty much status quo as far as I'm concerned. For the finer plot points, of which there might be some, you can consult the Official Wife via the comment sections of this blog.

Meanwhile, in the world of bike commuting, it was another great afternoon/evening to be out on the roads. But it was very cold. I wore two pairs of socks. Frankly, I'm at the point where I can't wear enough socks. I don't have shoe covers for these bike shoes and that seems to be a problem for me. Were this some kind of rom com premised around a woman getting married, I'd be cast as the bridegroom with some mother-f-ing cold feet. In conclusion, I'm done with winter. It's not even cold and I'm still just done. Done. Feel free to remind me of this sniveling (and sniffling) when I'm complaining about the stupid hot summer.

Out: crazily driven black BMWs. In: crazily driven black Audis.

You would think that the worst part about following a bus would be the noxious exhaust, but in my experience, it's the lack of visibility. This bus, an N2, advertised on its rear panel the National Guard, an organization through which by joining, so said the ad, I could help my neighbor. I could also probably just pick up her mail when she's out of town without doing that, but hey, different strokes for different folks.

Rode on the sidewalk, then back on the street, turned onto 23rd and remained on the street until L Street, where I turned onto and then into the cycle track. I was the only cyclist I saw on the cycle track during the time I used it, but I was early on account of leaving work early. There was only one driver who saw it fit to park/idle in the bike lane. There are signs that say No Parking or Standing Any Time, but this must be confusing since drivers still sometimes stand or park there. I would suggest that these signs be replaced by other signs that either read "NO FUCKING CARS HERE EVER, ASSHOLES" or, for our illiterate friends, signs that show a silhouette of a Gozdilla crushing a car in his jaws. Personally, I'm inclined toward the latter though I don't know if the Godzilla can be mandated to chomp cars through administrative fiat. CONFUSION is confusing.

11th street was closed to cars for a block, but there was room between the cones and I rode through anyway. Later on 11th, a bus driver of a Maryland commuter bus tried to pass me in spite of my taking the lane and then, when the driver realized that she couldn't do that without crushing me, relented, thankfully.

No u-turns on Penn, but one inline skater. Later on, I might have seen friend of the blog Ben, but I can't say for sure. He was in front of me, so maybe? I rode up the House side of Capitol hill, passed a jogger on the hill, passed some security guards at the top of the hill and passed a number of idling cars in the right lane on Pennsylvania Avenue SE. Basically, there are two lanes on parking there from First to maybe 8th SE because drivers simply don't care and would prefer to use the right lane as a place to double park. That's fine with me, I guess. But it's the cyclists that slow down traffic, right? I turned left at 12th and passed another bicyclist on E and then he passed on front of me in the Safeway parking lot, having cut across the lot where I kept going to 14th before turning back in. He laughed, I laughed.

At the store, I bought cake, eggs and a roma tomatoes. When I went back to my bike, there was a man standing there talking into his cell phone. His words "And then she threw up on the keyboard. I don't know why she didn't move. She just stayed there and threw up all over it." I hope he was talking about a pet.

I biked down down D to 16th. I used to take 15th, which has a bike lane, but now I take 16th because unlike the street to its west, it has stop signs and not stop lights, making the likelihood of my being slowed that much less. I was passed by a white Mustang (car, not horse) from Texas.

Ride In 1/2: The French and Indian Lunch Buffet

According to the calendar-industrial complex, it's a new year. I'm a calendar originalist, so I celebrate Caveman New Year, which takes place in the month of and features prominently the dropping of some kind of pelt-covered boulder from a high place as onlookers fail to count down, mostly because of innumeracy but also because of fear of saber-tooth tigers and lightning. Nonetheless, I have enjoyed the time off of work and while it has separated me from my lovely bike commute, it hasn't separated me from my other great loves: the Official Wife, the Official Poodles (now featuring Star aka *tP), and the Official Official Snackfood of TFTS, gin-soaked olives on gin-soaked red velvet cake. But alas, all good things must come to an end (for some stupid reason) and at least  bike commuting is there to provide me consolation. If Boethius had a bicycle, maybe things would've worked out differently. In related-to-Boethius news, but not related-to-bike news, I have many thoughts on Theoderic, but I will save them for the bike that I'll never write called Ostrogothic Things About Which You Could Not Give a Shit. Anyway. 

My left heel repeatedly struck the front edge of my pannier for the first couple blocks of my commute. I think at least one of them grew during the break. All I got for Christmas is localized foot gigantism. Actually, it's because my rear rack, having been chosen for style and not efficacy, causes my pannier to hang slightly too frontwise and I had gotten out of the habit of pedaling in such a way to avoid this. I am now back in the habit. 

Very little of note for the first half of the trip. I saw a woman with a green helmet and there was a cop car parked in a bike lane. No u-turns across the Pennsylvania Avenue bike lanes (so that's fixed now, right?) and a noticeable improvement in the strategic placement of horse (I hope) droppings:

Bollards and green paint are ugly, but literal steaming piles of shit are just fine.

I followed a gentleman who passed me in a hurry to ride through a red light along Penn and up 15th before he continued on his way in another direction and I rode through the security bollards to ride to past McPherson Square, where I was shouted to by the probably homeless guy who yells good morning to everyone. Unless there was another young man on a bike, whom I didn't see, I was that guy and I nodded. 

Bike traffic on 15th was moderate but leaf traffic was rather immoderate.

Reminds me of that time when one whole lane that cars use was rendered completely useless through negligence of a completely avoidable street sweeping issue. Oh wait. Excuse my language, but ¿POR QUE TENEMOS BIKE LANES SI NADIE PUEDE USARLOS?

I didn't see anyone on R Street that I'm going to write about. Learned that lesson. Just kidding- I liked HighVizGuy's lesson and I hope to see him again soon. Given his jacket, it will be hard not to. 

All was dandy with the bicycling until the riding up hill began and then I was expectedly slow and listless. One of these days, I'm not going to have to ride up a hill to get to work and I'm sure I'll miss it, but until then, I'll just grin and bear it, much as a caveman forefather dealt with saber-tooth tiger attacks. I also might begin to wield an atlatl, though that won't make my ride any easier. 

The DC BAC is meeting tonight. I won't be able to attend, but maybe you'd like to go? If you have a New Year's resolution involving civic involvement (which is very DC of you) and you like bikes (which is also pretty DC of you), then this is a good opportunity  to get involved. Ample free (bike) parking. 

Thanks for coming back. 

LETTER TO THE EDITOR: HighVizGuy and "Umbrage"

Reader feedback is the lifeblood of any good internet writing enterprise and it's also the lifeblood of this blog. It happens that sometimes I write about other bicyclists and sometimes those other bicyclists happen to read about it and it also happens that sometimes I receive lengthy email responses and videos concerning their riding and my writing. Ok, this has actually only ever happened once- this instance I'm publishing now. It's in response to this post and more specifically this paragraph:

There were bicyclists aplenty on 11th. There were also a few on R, including one man in a bright orange coat who took umbrage at more than one driver who partially blocked the bike lane in anticipation of making a right turn. His umbrage took the form of touching the side panel of a taxi and it also took the form of verbally scolding a driver a few blocks later. That's a lot of umbrage. He was the bike lane defender and he was going to defend the sanctity of the bike lane against all interlopers. I never know how to feel about these sorts of people. I am very much not one of them and part of me is deeply embarrassed by their levels of righteous extroversion. But on the other hand, much of me is deeply in awe of their self-assuredness and unwillingness to be slighted.

Now I shall I present  the email I received from HighVizGuy. Bike commuting "style" is definitely a subjective thing and I'm really interested in having people write about it (that's why I try to solicit guest posts) and I want to thank him for reading, writing, and wish him all the best in the new year! 

I'm not sure when on this video I pick you up. Is it just after FL Ave or do I go around you @ 15th? I think I know which rider you are, blue bag?, but let me know. Video starts at 1st and R NE (?), by Big Bear CafeThe action doesn't start till a few minutes in but I included the guy I saw near FL Ave to see if it was you.  Here's the link to an excerpt of my morning commute on 12/20/2012: https://vimeo.com/56607875 [Ed Note: My part in the video starts at about the 4:30 mark]

I start my ride just outside the District, in MD. It’s about 14 miles round trip to work and back. A good portion of my ride is fairly suburban in nature so good sense and, frankly, my wife and dog's desire to see me at the end of the day dictate that I be as visible as possible and somewhat militant in re: protecting my space around motorists who may or may not be at the top of their game at an early hour. It's possible that I'm a little to intense sometimes, and a little quick with the "umbrage". It's also possible I'm getting older and the idea of things running into me or me into things at speed is losing it's appeal.

Between 15th and 16th Streets-
I tapped on the taxi cab. I'd invite anyone to give me an explanation about his vehicle being half in the bike lane. There are no hails nearby. He is near a driveway but clearly not heading towards it, and 3/4 of a block and a bunch of vehicles away from the next intersection. He has no indicator on. There doesn't appear to be a fare in the cab.

We'll give a little leeway to the emergency vehicle with tires inside the bike lane. A. It's an emergency vehicle. B. It's a little larger than the norm. No worries. Roll slow yeah?

The lady in front has maybe a third of her red Dodge in the lane? Again, for no reason I can fathom? She'd have better visibility if she moved left and into the large truck's driver side mirror. She is not taking a right turn at the next intersection (16th), she's taking a left. You see the window come down b/c, presumably, the guy is about to tell me what I'm doing wrong. Again, I'd love to hear a good argument for why she's there, but I wouldn't be where she was if I was driving. I'm certainly capable of keeping a 68.8" vehicle between a set of lines that are I think 11' apart. It's not a tough bit of skill that...it's Driving 101. We let too many drivers not do the basics and that's not OK to me. Again, I see no good reason why she’s there.

Between 13th and 14th-
Perhaps I take too much offense at the blacked out white suburban who muscled his way into the bike lane and split the group of bikers to take a right and head north? This can be the only driver you refer to as taking a right. I'll concede a little here, I don't think I anticipated that drivers movements well and figured I'd get a little more space through that road work. My bad..should have been a bit more patient. S/he probably should have slowed to yield and not split the bikers however, I was even with her front bumper...but that's on me for pressing the issue.

Between 9th and 10th-
I was a little wordy/harsh to these drivers. The Infinity was on a cell and the Excursion didn't give enough space (there's a bit of a pinch point created by a large white work truck parked off the curb a bit). Both drivers had a case of the "Must pass cyclist to get to the red light" syndrome. I think both drivers had it covered though..no harm.

R + 16th to YMCA-
I won't say much about the incident w/ the container truck. I like 17th a lot b/c there are a lot of options for cyclists. I generally favor the right-most lane with all the delivery vehicles, taxis pulling to the right for hails, etc. It gives me a little more room to maneuver and speeds are generally 20-25 most of the way, pretty comfortable. I'm in the bike lane if it's clear. Crossing Mass Ave. the smart move for bikes is to stay one lane from the right. There are often vehicles getting into the alleys and driveways and cars pulling out of N. It's also the most natural direction following the bike lane. I think this would be a great place for DDOT to put down some hash marks and green paint. Really make it clear that cyclists can have that lane. If you start where I did, at R and 17 and do 20-25 mph YOU WILL ALWAYS get the red light next to the YMCA @ RI Ave and 17th, so there is never any reason for vehicles to try and pass people at that point, especially not in a truck that large. He was in no danger of missing the light at Mass. Ave. He says I should have had to yield to him because "I have a truck", as if that conferred privilege. I was pretty amped so I'm loud but he was clearly trying to intimidate. That's not acceptable to me, and it shouldn't be to anyone. I don't think I did much wrong while riding, but I'm open to criticism of the moments leading up to our confrontation.

I like your blog btw. This was the second post I read..ever. I was looking for bike related blogs today and had heard of this, but never visited. Kind of serendipitous that you mentioned me, more so that I have video. I knew instantly. It's a new jacket, a Christmas present to myself and my wife and dogs from me. I also bought myself that ridiculously bright Lumintrex headlight, 1,000 lumens. All to be a little more visible to drivers. I'd prefer to not make a fool of myself, but I'll take visible and garish and alive any day. I'm tough to miss at the moment so that’s one less excuse someone can use to explain away a careless mistake or act of hostility.

I can appreciate both your embarrassment at my umbrage (it is mine as well, I assure you) and your sense of awe that I speak up. The first time a driver did something foolish around me I thought "Small victory! I have joined the ranks of a persecuted class and am virtuous for it!" That shit gets old real quick though. I'm far more militant now. Prudent, but militant. I am a pessimistic optimist. I only really go off when stuff is dangerous or stupid, but I know I'm sometimes too quick to anger over modest slights.

I just started taking video. My buddy is the guy that got hit by the retired MPD officer on RI Ave., NE last year. I'm sure you know the video. I've wanted a camera and more visible equipment since then. I'd like video to speak for me if I can't speak for myself. I'm hoping it keeps me and drivers around me a little more accountable. I'd also like to occasionally show drivers and idiot WaPo commentators what bicyclists deal with. I wouldn't mind being DC's version of the "Traffic Droid" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4z_o7XLKAvk) I'd like to document the community of bike riders in the district in my own small way. Mostly I want a record of all the great (and not great) things that happen on my rides. You never know when you capture something special right?

Anyway, I felt I needed to respond to your post. Keep up with the blog and the next time you see me out there, say hello! I've only been commuting since June so it's good to meet new people riding. I love that I get to do something that makes me feel like a kid again every day. I love that I get to be outside and not in a box all day. I like that I get to eat things I want and not worry about it b/c I know I'm working my body every day. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Cheers and safe and happy riding!